To reveal my biases up front, I must admit that I hate most of the music that falls under the heading of “metal,” so I'm probably the wrong person to be reviewing L.A.-based Bigelf's latest album, Cheat the Gallows. Still, I do enjoy some old-school Metallica and the wicked and weird stylings of Tool, so I'm not entirely a stranger to the pleasures of metal. Despite my giving this album a huge benefit of the doubt, however, I really can't get past the simple fact that mimicking great artists does not a great artist make.
Bigelf's sound references the greatest hits of bands like Queen, Pink Floyd, The Beatles and Black Sabbath. Unfortunately, though Bigelf aims high, they also fail to achieve those heights. Most of their songs sound a lot more like rejected Black Sabbath tunes than original material, and there's something that just rubs me the wrong way about the total package, from the mixing of genres within songs to the band's attempt at conveying the darkness of their souls with Pieter Bruegel artwork on their CD insert.
Cheat the Gallows is, in short, absolutely not my cup of tea. But even if they were, they're preachy sons of bitches, which bugs me even more. With song titles like “Money, It's Pure Evil” and “The Evils of Rock and Roll,” I often felt like I was receiving lectures from a drug-addled has-been. Technically, I suppose I was, since the band is clearly channelling Ozzy Osbourne hardcore. Personally, I much prefer my rock straight up, without the chaser of religious undertones, no matter how tongue-in-cheek they may have been intended to be.
And that's another thing: why must death metal bands constantly allude to the hypocrisy of Christianity? Aren't there any new themes for these wicked rock 'n' rollers to focus on? Raiding the Bible for references to the condemnation of wealth, sex and other worldly pleasures is nothing new, and it's been done better by plenty of others. It's almost as easy a target as the terrible lyrics of Christian rockers, so what gives?
Cheat the Gallows hit all the wrong notes with me, from the obnoxious carnival-from-hell intro to “Gravest Show on Earth” and lead singer Damon Fox's Ozzy impersonation throughout, to the unnecessarily epic sprawl of “Counting Sheep,” which clocks in at 11 minutes and 21 seconds long. Dudes, you are not Led Zeppelin, and might I remind you that even the notoriously long “Stairway to Heaven” is only 8 minutes and 3 seconds long!
Give this one a miss, unless you're so in love with Ozzy that you'd accept even the cheapest imitation of his bat-beheading days.
--Laura Roberts [October 4, 2008]
